Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Randomize
