sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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