Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize