I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
A+ Viking dick
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
