her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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