Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
