i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
