hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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