if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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