I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
