we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
