Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
