just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
