the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
