Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
