dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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