Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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