This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
