I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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