Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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