eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
