He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
