Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
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Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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