i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
