Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize