Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize