I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
