peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
