the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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