hell yes lets make some ravioli
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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