He asked to "fluff my boner.."
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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