I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
