at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i came on her dog
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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