i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
