Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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