I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
