Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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