Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
im drinking this country out of the recession.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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