And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
