This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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