i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I am puke
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
