watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
