I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
