You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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