can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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