This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
