Well apparently he's into motor boating.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
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it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
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.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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