This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
