Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
