morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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