I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
