the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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