My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle