omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona