my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.