You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
this will be a night to untag.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
