Even the bartender felt bad for me
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
pray to the hookup gods
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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