need another drink. this is the easiest way
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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