Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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