i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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