I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
