we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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