I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Drunk is a universal language darling
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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